Biggest Phony of the Week

aLi

You might be wondering “Why is the league leader phony of the week? He is 3-0?” Just like nfL power rankings, our current standings can be deceiving. aLi might be 3-0 but when you dig into his stats, they start to look a lil sus. He is averaging less than 90 PA/G and only 1.7 points above league average. He also has a game under 100 points but is still 3-0. Will we see aLi here again? Maybe not. But through 3 weeks, there are better teams.

Honorable Mention

Ltom

Tom has yet to exceed his projected score and his rbs are a mess. No surprise seeing Tom here as he has been a leading prince phony since draft day.

Players to Watch

imma come clean

When it comes to coming clean, there isn’t anything much cleaner than facts. We’re gonna try something a lil different this trip around the sun; and look at some cold hard facts surrounding this football season that you may find fun.
Of course, not all of those will be completely objective, as subjectivity is at the core of what makes #ThisLeague as prestigious as it is. As such, you may find that influenced here. All of these will be appreciated by the members given the banter we have in the GroupMe on the daily.
Now then, let’s take a look at some Football Fun Facts:

 – T.J. Watt leads the league in sacks, forced fumbles, and fumble recoveries

 – On a related note, the Cardinals further exposed the blueprint the Eagles laid out last year, which is that Micah Parsons struggles against the run, particularly when said run is literally right at him. Not the best trait to posses when every network tries to tell us you’re Lawrence Taylor and an actual MVP candidate when they’re grasping for straws trying to hype up the Cowboys 

 – Both football teams, college and pro, based in Miami are undefeated

 – As a bonus, Miami and the Nits are both undefeated as well. Which could be worth a few yucks down the road depending on if that narrative fits the Nits vision of what’s funny for who they want my favorite college football program to be

 – There aren’t many uplifting signs of this changing this year: The Ravens, Giants and Packers most recent Super Bowls all occurred within one year of each other in a three year stretch. That stretch started over a decade ago. Makes you think

 – Jalen Carter will win DROY over Christian Gonzalez because Gonzo isn’t a flashy enough corner to beat a monster in the middle of the trenches. Like say, Sauce Gardner is

 – Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are currently dating

 –  Nothing in football matters yet. Fantasy or reality.

So there you have it. I think I speak for everyone when I say that went very well. Quite enlightening.

-Brandon “Shrooms” Thornton

Scoreboard

Dr. StooL’s Week 1 Phony Odds Diagnosis

+350 – Champ Z – It’s not great, is it? Zacky appears to be the weak link this year. 0-3 and heading straight for the phony bowl. Champ Z’s team blew up last year, and there is a decent chance it blows up the other way after this weekend, if you know what I mean. 
+400 – Ooga Booga – Our resident caveman has come back to earth from his cocaine high. His team is starting to get healthy, but as we know the blue tent has a revolving door! Who will be next? No one knows. Have I mentioned that he will be starting George Pickens, Justin Fields, and Courtland Sutton every week?

+600 – Dr. Spots – The bummish makes a re-appearance on the Phony odds shortlist. This dude traded The A-Train for bum handcuffs and I’m not sure why. His team doesn’t look that bad, but it doesn’t really score any points and that’s all that really matters. He thinks his lineup is “set it and forget it” now, but it may be just “forget it.”

Dr. Stool M.D., P.G.

CJ’s Radio Show

Addy Lines with Ooga Booga
Week 1

Addy Lines with Ooga Booga

Week 3 Edition

God damn did it feel good this morning to wake up knowing the Packers play the fucking Lions tonight. If BeLLs PaLLsy was anything like StooL, he’d be a shitty Lions fan since he lives in that ugly ass city. But, then again, nobody really knows what team StooL actually likes. Probably Miami (again) until Tua gets his mush brain sent into retirement in a couple weeks. Lshrooms is low key praying he never has to write a column for one of the Lions websites or he’ll HAVE to be a fan too!! What an awful time it’d be to be in #ThisLeague with 3 obligatory Lions fans in here. Thank god hypotheticals don’t exist. Read that last sentence again StooL.

Now before anybody says they told me so about FieLds, you were all right. Mfer can’t throw a football more than 10 yards accurately. Trash pick last week that will never be repeated. On the other hand, Stroud came through (as expected) & Jefferson was a SINGLE YARD away from 150 rec yards (& $500+ in my bank account). Thanks for being such a sharing quarterback Kirk. Bum. Y’all lost to the Chargers with Joshua $32 Kelley. Might as well throw in the towel already because there’s no chance in hell they’re beating out the Packers for the NFC North title this year. The bigL pit is anxiously awaiting their arrival! Just ask BabyL for directions…he’s been vacationing down there every year with his buddy BradLey BeaL since 2017!

Well I’ve gotten way off base with this intro…so let’s get into it, shall we?

HOOVER HOLE

De’Von Achane 2 TDs (+1500) & o38.5 Rush Yards (-114) @ BUF
Parlay: +1567

Miami exploded for 70 points last week against the Broncos. While the blowout didn’t come as a surprise, Achane’s 4 touchdowns sure as fuck did! Apparently Lphonybum Johnny missed the highlights or he wouldn’t have sold him for two garbage handcuffs (one on the Broncos LOL) that won’t do a damn thing except rot on his bench. Big brain move from our favorite reigning & flourishing Phonybum commissioner. While Lboy might not see any value in Achane, I sure do. I expect he will be heavily involved in the ground attack again this Sunday against the underachieving Bills, & with that he will score an easy 2 on the ground with  plenty of rushing yards to compliment…once again taking valuable fantasy points away from Mosthurt.

Justin Jefferson 2 TDs (+600) & 150 Rec Yards (+360) @ CAR
Parlay: +1095
I’m running this line back again from last week not because I’m saLty about it, but rather very unfulfilled with the Vikings execution in the last few minutes of the game. This should have EASILY hit had Kirk bum looked the right way (Jefferson’s) when it mattered most. Instead, he didn’t, & they lost in glorious VIkings fashion. He won’t make that mistake two weeks in a row…especially against a pathetic Carolina team that’s getting their franchise bum Bryce Young back from injury.

D’Andre Swift TD (+105) & 100 Rush Yards (+290) vs. WSH

Parlay: +413

Once again, the books are disrespecting D’Andre Swift & his proven ability to carve up defenses. This almost seems too easy…so easy that I refuse to go any higher than 1 TD because I know Hurts will snag at least one rugby try, I mean completely legal & well liked around the league 1 yard rushing TD, from Swift at some point throughout the game. Hammer these lines as hard as CJ hammers his lines every morning before work.

Parlay Everything: +102287 ($10 wins $10,228.75)…DO IT!!

Bonus Pick: NFL Weekly Specials – Highest Scoring Team – Sunday Only

Miami Dolphins (+1600) @ BUF

TOILET BOWL

I’m not a big fan of rooting for people to not be as successful as they can be, so instead I’ll stick with rooting for garbage teams & coaches to continue to be their true selves (you already know who is coming).

NY Giants (+1.5) vs SEA

NY Jets (+8.5) vs KC

Home field advantage doesn’t apply to flaming piles of garbage. If you’re going to gamble your hard earned money on either of these dumpster fires, make sure you DON’T take these lines. Hammer the opposite with absolute confidence.

VisuaLized Stats for VisuaLized L’s

I’ve been trying to think of new ways to visually show some important statistics in a very simple way.
Projected Points Scored by Week
Actual Points Scored by Week
Performance Tracker – actual points/projected points. Over a value of 1 means you beat your projection
Race to Phony – ESPN playoff % chance by week

League Transactions