Biggest Phony of the Week

Lbud Zack

For the second week in a row, the honor of Biggest Phony of the Week goes to……… our bud Zack!! 81 points this week, averaging 75 points a game through 2 weeks, and points against less than 100/game. Don’t worry though Zacky, you get to play BeLLz this week.

Honorable Mention

beLLz + Ldan

Another back to back week under 100 points and the future IS NOT looking any brighter. Chances are pretty high we will see these 3 phony’s here on a week to week basis.

Players to Watch

imma come clean

We are officially BACK back in the greatest way. Week deuce is in the books, and it’s one of my personal favorite times of the year, as DaLLas fans are feeling themselves earlier than usual, claiming that THIS will be the year they make it out of the second round (some of us feel this way about our hoops team). Of course they’re feeling extra giddy because the one they claim is the best defender in football, Micah Parsons, who famously decided he had better things to do in 2020, made a case for himself by scooping up a fumble, and taking it all the way to the end zone late in the fourth quarter for the winning touchdown. Thus, giving his team victory on primetime despite the heated competition and his anemic offense. 

Hang on, we’re being told that was actually TJ Watt. How embarrassing. 

Speaking of being back, Dr. Spots and DJ Dasta also proved that they filed a claim at the We’re Back department, following up their strong week one performances with resounding victories in week two. 

It’s this type of consistency with their strongest drafted lineup that makes them a threat, and why we should remember who they are. 

Hang on, we’re getting another call from Quality Control…

Ah. 

Well then. It appears that we made ANOTHER faux pas, and that two of my favorite residents of 1320 actually scored well under 90 points in week one, so we don’t actually know what the outlier here is. 

Silver lining, there’s a lot of ball left, and some even believe week one (or even two) don’t matter. Another silver lining here is that my OTHER favorite 1320 tenant, Tommy Toes, has Kareem Hunt and Cooper Kupp waiting in the wings. So that should be tons of fun. 

I think I speak for everyone when I say I can’t wait to see what week three, which should matter, has in store. Hopefully my column won’t have as many errors either. So sorry about that.  

-Brandon “Shrooms” Thornton

Scoreboard

Dr. StooL’s Week 1 Phony Odds Diagnosis

+275 – Birthday Boy Bose – I think this guy may have told his secret birthday wish (finally winning the fantasy chip) to someone. It’s too bad really, because after the Garrett Wilson trade with Shroomies, I thought Bellott had a great team. Since he got handed the Nick Chubb L (shaped leg), along with Wilson throwing to Wilson instead of Rodgers throwing to Wilson, this team looks about as under water as the sphinx in 10,500 BC.

+325 – Champ Z – The hits just keep on coming. Almost 100 fewer PF than Ooga Booga, Nick Chubb (real life, not fantasy), Cam LAkers in purgatory, not to mention Najee just kinda stinks. Champ Z’s title defense is looking more like a Dan than a Stool (B2B). The only saving grace here is that Zack has a few theoretically elite players that haven’t performed well yet. I still give him a chance to turn it around. 

+500 – Ooga Booga – I’m not sure how we’ve found ourselves here, but alas. Jack is 2-0, has the highest PF, and yet – I don’t buy it. This dude is going to start Nico Collins and George Pickens every week. The RBs look nice until you realize three of them are injured (until who knows when) and the fourth will be JT’s backup after a trade in week 5. I forsee this team dropping its proverbial sunglasses in the toilet bowl. 

Dr. Stool M.D., P.G.

CJ’s Radio Show

Addy Lines with Ooga Booga
Week 1

HOOVER HOLE

Justin Jefferson
150+ rec yds: +390
2TDs: +650
Parlay: +1402

Jefferson is looking to be the first player with 150 receiving yards in 3 straight games. Without much else offense on a pathetic Vikings squad, expect the same outcome from Jefferson this week with them leaning HEAVILY on him. 

CJ Stroud
275 passing yards: +240
2 passing TDs: +164
Parlay: +411

Stroud exploded for 384 passing yards last week with a pair of TDs. It seems he’s adjusting to the NFL faster than expected & building rapport with his WR core. Expect this trend to continue as Stroud continues to develop & the run game remains nonexistent. 

Justin Fields
100+ rush yards: +400
1 rush TD: +200
Parlay: +702

This man called out his coaches for turning him into a robo QB… & they agreed. It’s gonna be an all out attack on the ground tomorrow for Fields & the Bears. No more lingering in the pocket. As soon as he doesn’t see somebody open (he won’t bc he stinks), expect him to take off for multiple 20 yards runs & topping 100 yards easy. Tack on at least one TD for good measure. 

Parlay everything: +61587

Toilet Bowl

Anything Lets or Panthers 

Do I really need to explain why we don’t need to bother touching these team with a 12 foot pole?

-Jackson “L Boy” Kurtz

VisuaLized Stats for VisuaLized L’s

I’ve been trying to think of new ways to visually show some important statistics in a very simple way.
Projected Points Scored by Week
Actual Points Scored by Week
Performance Tracker – actual points/projected points. Over a value of 1 means you beat your projection
Race to Phony – ESPN playoff % chance by week

League Transactions