Biggest Phony of the Week

StrohLLLLLL

Who will be biggest phony this week? Will it be John for taking last place? Or how about shrooms for Losing to Bose? Nope! It’s our oL’ paL StrohLLy bud. When you take a look at the stats, StrohL has the most games under 100 (more than Bose). His averages are also right in line with Bose’s, meaning you are headed straight to the phony bracket with Bose and Bummish.

HonorabLe Mention

LShrooms Man + BummishJ + DanieL

We have a 3 way tie for the downward spiral trio.
Shroomies just lost to Bose in spectacular fashion. Granted it was because Bose’s brain is so massive he started Justin FieLds. But still, losing to Bose this year is borderline website worthy.
John is very unLucky! this year and got absolutely pulverized by Mixon’s (lemme get him) 5 TD day.
Dan’s team is dropping like flies and and is plummeting Dan back to his home at the bottom of the standings.

Players to Watch

Keeper Tiers

We’re gonna do something a little different this week gentlemen. A couple weeks back it was brought to the group’s attention that the selection of keepers for #ThisLeague has been, shall we say, leaving a lot to be desired so far in 2022. To put it kindly. 

I had asked to see if we could get some power rankings of the keepers since we like that kinda thing around here but it fell on deaf eyes in the groupme. Or, I guess blind eyes. 

But that is ok!

If you want something done right just do it yourself so I’ll be the one to step up to the plate and hit. Unlike the Phillies in game four of the World Series. Still bitter. With that said, I won’t be doing power rankings since that’s sorta Strohl’s thing, but I’ll still put a Shroomies spin on it. I present to you the 2022 Keepers Tiers for the halfway point of #ThisLeague 

We’ll start at the bottom before we get to the top because I’m a show pony who like to build suspense. 

Bottom Tier – “IR and dropped”: Daninmal and Javonte Williams

Injuries happen, and it sucks that it happened to Dan the Man, but it’s life. He still has some options next year. 

Fourth Tier – “Underwhelming and traded”: Bummish and Najee Harris

This is tough. TrademasterJ traded in the offszn for Najee who had been unremarkable, to the point where he traded away his keeper to the aforementioned future Daddy Ham. Not sure if a keepers ever been traded before but if not it has now. 

Third Tier –  “Banged Up”: Deebo Samuel, DeAndre Swift, Jonathan Taylor, Mark Andrews, J’Marr Chase. 

Our biggest tier grouping. As previously stated, injuries happen. While none of these guys were lost for the season, they’ve all been out with injury for extended periods of time, with varying degrees of success when playing. Damn shame. 

Second Tier – “Healthy and aight”: Tee Higgins

That’s right, Tee Higgins for Strohl is alone at the second tier. Why? He’s been healthy all year and is a WR17, so I mean that’s kinda neat right?

Top Tier – “Healthy and Thriving”: Justin Jefferson and Leonard Fournette

Alone at the top it’s the Champ and the Oracle. How nice. Both players haven’t missed any time with JJ being a top five WR and Lenny, believe it or not, a top ten RB. 

Surely this won’t come back to bite me in the ass.  

So those are the tiers. Don’t hate this player hate the game. These be the brakes. Sorry bout it. 

Scoreboard

Bozo Picks of the Week

NFL BOZO Spread Picks Of The Week

This week I am going to keep it short and sweet. I will give you an extra pick because I am a nice guy! I am in state college protesting against wasting tax payer dollars. I don’t have time for nonsense as the cause is more important. It is also life so there is that. 

Here are my picks:

Miami -3.5

Lers +1.5

Cowboys -4.5

Vikings +3.5

Regular season record: 12-12

-CJ Wolfson

Lunch Break Addy Lines with SLeepLess Jack

Ahh what a beautiful sight to behold on this 1PM lunch break. No, I’m not talking about the newsletter you big dumb idiots… I’m talking about this CJ grade line I’m about to hose up my nose!! Oh ya that’s the stuff. I already know CJ is getting a hard on just from reading that 150 miles away in a CIA bunker. Calm down bud you’ll get your chance to give John all the kisses when he’s blacked ass out half way through the PSU game this weekend. Bruce is gonne be PISSED when john starts pissing on the 12 year old girl (caLm down beLLLLLLz) below him at her first PSU game. Don’t worry tho.. you’ll all see the FUCKING SHOW on Snapchat Friday thru Tuesday when he stays another two days after telling his boss his grandfather died for the 27^th time.

Anyways, as much as we love talking about Mr. Pee Pee pants, let’s get into what we’re all here for- my long awaited ass whooping of Lshrooms & his sorry ass team that he hasn’t stopped dickriding since his dismal week 1 W over ya boi. Instead of making you a website, you get an entire column about you lil bro. I’ll give you a hint what it’s about… BET ON MY LAB GRADE ADDY PLAYAS & FLUSH SHROOMS DUMPSTER SCRAP ADDY BUMS!! AyuH!!

Players w/ Lab Grade Addy

Patrick Mahomes, QB

Do I even bother to go into unnecessary detail about why you should bet on the #1 QB in the league? Sorry fake biLLs mafia fans (stooLLLLL probably) but Josh Allen is OUT for the count. Elbow injuries aren’t something you can just play through… just ask garbage man Lstafford. Or better yet, ask Dan about his favorite WR aLLen Robinson & how well he’s played aLL season! I’m SURE that won’t be a sore subject.. at least not as sore as Shroom’s ego come Tuesday morning when he sees his new website up & running. It will be better that you lost!

NOT!

Anyways, the Chiefs play a below average Jags team that would have no problem making the Packers look like amateurs. Make sure to stack your pockets full with your favorite little white footballs, head to your nearest bar & order 10 Kansas City Ice Waters, & enjoy the pile of money Mahomes will make you roll halfway up your nose for that powder train!!

Nick Folk, K

It’s no surprise that the #3 fantasy kicker in the league plays for the biggest underachievers in the NFL this year- the NE Lcheaters. Mac Truck Jones is trash & beLLLLLLz loves to still bring up Zappe almost beating a pathetic Packers team. Poor guy probably doesn’t even know it’s their BYE week… but that doesn’t matter because ima start him anyways!! Quit again if you don’t like it LawyerJ!! I might fuck around & start a RB/QB/WR at TE just to stir the pot. With that being said, make sure you tell beLLLLz to take the sure thing & pick up from Folk for all of your addy & DraftKings needs & you’ll sleep soundly when you finally come down in 3 days.

Players w/ Dumpster Scrap Addy:

MeLvin Gordon III, RB

It’s almost laughable that Lshrooms is down THAT bad that he has to start the soon-to-be 3^rd string Lbroncos RB. It’s okay though, he’ll make up some elaborate big brain pewter reason as to why he started him… & I am here for it!! No explanation needed why this bum needs off of everyone’s bets & fantasy teams (unless you’re Lshrooms). Throw this bum back in the dumpster where you found him & move on with your sober lives with the confidence knowing you made the right choice.

Darren WaLLer, TE

Another sad starter for this man Lshrooms. I would feel bad if I… well… yeah I have no reason to feel bad. He’s written his own destiny in the Phony bracket this year with all of the nonsense he has spewed all season. I will give him credit though- it IS better that the Phillies lost to the Houston cheaters!! Not because of the false claim that they have earned our respect, but because they beat phiLLY!! So many saLty as heLL big L Losers in that city!! 

Who was I even talking about here? Oh yeah, Darren no-Dan-hammy waLLEr! This man hasn’t played a game since week 5. Why start him now you might ask? Because Lshrooms brain is enormous & traded away his other TE for Lsburgh trash turned Chicago trash cLaypooL. My tiny brain can’t even comprehend that level of GMing. My legal pad (coloring book) & pen (crayons) are ready to take notes (color inside the lines) about these genus power plays!! Can’t wait to compare notes (pictures) about how my all of my bets hit going against waLLer with my other tiny brain coworkers (kindergarteners) on Monday!! APewterYuH!!

-Jackson “L Boy” Kurtz

GAME(S) OF THE WEEK

2 interesting L Loser games this week. aLi, who is projected 98.5 vs StrohL, phony of the week. We also have Bummish John vs Dan. This is your last shot to put together a winning streak and dig your way out.

Good Luck boys

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