Phony Tracker

Biggest Phony of the Week

Bose

Lowest score ever. Team stinks. BLah bLah bLah. Who crares?

HonorabLe Mention

StrohL + BummishJ

Fun fact for ya, strohL has as many games below 100 points as Bose. Yet somehow he has himseLf as 6 in the power rankings……
BummishJ is moving into the bLue tent. At least your best bud Bose is waiting for you in the pit.

Players to Watch

imma come clean

Time to get Spongebob future chrome clean. I can easily start bitching about all the outta pocket and, dare I say, str8 wylin shit going on in fantasy football. However, I won’t do that. Credit to me for rising above.

Why is that? BECAUSE THE CITY OF BROTHERLY LOVE IS LOVING THEIR BROTHERS THATS WHY

The Sixers may not have the win/loss record yet, but Harden is balling and somebody needs to be the sacrificial lamb for the below.

The Lads playing futbol over in Chester are one away from the MLS finals and the Sons of Ben are fidna act tf up for our Union.

The Flyers are overachieving, and if it wasn’t for the final two rzns it’s Philly szn, we’d be ALL the way Flyer’d tf up.

Your team, your town, your Philadelphia Eagles are 6-0 heading into a Keystone State battle with the Lers of Lburgh. The bummish and I are considering flying our brooms up there and casting a CRUCIO on Voldemort. Unfortunately the bummissioner has been almost as hard to find as Voldemort at points lately so I’ll get back to you on that. The undefeated Eagles should get the blood pumping for him and all of you waiting for the day they finally lose so you can say something funny in the groupme. Sorry bout it.

Then last, but certainly not least, we’re talking about the FIGHTINS! The red hawt for red October Phils have a tough test to face against the Yankees daddy. They have a rotation with a 39 year old ace in Justin Verlander (but one that is married to Kate Upton. YUGE factor) and of course my cousin Framber. They also have a lineup consisting of course of Jose Altuve and Alex Bregman. The latter two have been subject of some scorn for simply wearing buzzers and banging trash cans to know when a sliders coming to combat the Yankees and Red Sox $300 million payroll that also used apple watches, sus bullpen phones and sticky pitchers to misinterpret de rules (formerly $200 million payrolls that were made up for with steroids in their glory days but shhhh.)

Anyway, if the Phillies do take the L, which is very much in play considering the Astros lineup also features West Chester native and Millserville University grad Chas McCormick, I’ll be here to face the warranted music. Unlike some.

Sorry if you were expecting fantasy football talk, but the new tier system we had in the groupme has me as the third best team since Jack said it was fine so that’s that. Even if I still hold Strohl’s objective rankings in the highest of esteem. We’ll be back next week to check back in with Philly. Maybe fantasy idk.

#HereTheyCome

#DOOP

#FlyeredUp

#GoBirds

#RingTheBell

-Brandon “Shrooms” Thornton

Scoreboard

ALex StooL’s Week 8 Very Objective Power Rankings

1. Bookie Z – (previous ranking: 1) – King stays king. Because of the trade, ETN is now an elite start every week. Ekeler has been racking up 30-point games recently. Tyreek and Jamarr have been unreal recently. And if the ravens and falcons ever decide to throw again, Lamar and Pitts will be top tier options. This is what a league winning squad looks like Gents.

2. Bozo – (previous ranking: 5) – Started from the bottom, now the whole team fucking here. Jack has been on an unbelievable run recently. Josh Jacobs may just win him this league, and we laughed at him for picking him. Only concern for Jack is I think a few of his players could suffer negatively as a result of the trade deadline. Looking at you, Alvin and Deebo.

3. Cock Job – (previous ranking: 2) – CJ rounds out tier one of teams in the league right now, mostly because of his two potential League Winners, Ken Walker and Raheem Mostert. I almost nabbed Kenny two weeks before that Penny injury and now I’m kicking myself. Seahawks people think he can be as good as LaDainian Tomlinson. If CJ could acquire a legit QB from a team towards the bottom of the league, he could be #1…

4. Mr. Jody Fortson – (previous ranking: 7) – Tom would have been low last week if I had done rankings, but alas, he went and rounded out his PF with a 150 burger. Deandre Hopkins looked a little bit like his old self (which gives me some hope from Kyler), and Joe Burrow looked like he maybe should have gone earlier in our draft. Tom is one reliable RB away from elevating himself up into tier 1 of this league. He looks to have a solid enough squad to make the playoffs and make a bit of a run.

5. Shrooms – (previous ranking: 6) – This move up could have been significantly more, but Shrooms did exactly the opposite of what I have been recommending and traded away depth for a theoretically elite player. It will look smart this week if Waller plays against the Saints, but don’t be fooled – Josh McDaniels is the coach. He will undoubtedly make the poor decision to never go “Balls to the Wall(er)” for the remaining weeks of the season. Instead, Mack Hollins will get more targets unnecessarily.

6. StooL – (previous ranking: 3) – Yes, I recognize that I have the lowest PF besides Bellott. And I got fucked by that CMC trade, but I’m keeping my head in the game. I cobbled together a Courtland Sutton deal (somehow) after weeks of trying. I have almost zero bench depth, so bye weeks are going to kill me, but I do have a nice solid starting lineup heading into the back half of the season. I will be hitting the waiver wire hard in the next few days before the trade deadline.

7. Boris “The Champ” Durke – (previous ranking: 9) – Boris was the hardest person to rank this week. His team looks like it should be better than it actually has been. Geno seems like he may actually be a solid fantasy starter and Ali has a lot of upside plays on his bench. Ali needs one or two of them to end up as usable to make a run at a back end playoff spot. Just on the elite names in his lineup like Jefferson and Mixon, I’m going to keep him above “the best team.”

8. Commish – (previous ranking: 8) – John’s team is the best team. I am jealous of all his WRs and RBs. He plays me this week and I desperately need to win, but I definitely won’t because his team is significantly better than mine. It doesn’t matter that his QB is on bye, his TE is on bye, and his WRs are hurt, because even his bench is better than my starters. I’m also very sincere about this write up and would never write anything just to receive good Mojo…oh behave.

9. King Phony – (previous ranking: 4) – I’m sorry bud. I wish I didn’t have to do this to you. The big blue tent has officially moved to Springfield, PA. First Javonte, now Breece. I feel really bad for Dan because I think he would otherwise be in the top 3 of the rankings this week. You should be able to paint a big Ol’ PSU on the side of that thing if the blue is a little too plain for your liking.

10. Bose – (previous ranking: 10) – In the famous words of Borat Sagdiyev, “Wow woo wee wow.” Bellott’s team is bad, but at least he knows it. His team would be much better if he traded Diggs or Taylor for pieces, but everyone in this league is afraid to get fleeced! Bellott is a lock for the Phony bracket at this stage. But don’t worry, be Zappe!

Bozo Picks of the Week

NFL BOZO Spread Picks Of The Week

I want the record to reflect that I am going to own up to a mistake. I mistakenly said I won two of my picks the week before last when I only won one of them. I own up to my failures, which is quite something considering the denials of the cheating scandals last year in this league. No one seems to own up to that, but here we are. Now onto this week, where I did in fact pick 2 out of three correctly. Thank you Chefs, and thank you Seahawks. We are still over .500, which if you ask any gambling pundit I should get paid for these picks.

This week we are full of interesting matchups. We are 7 weeks in, and we really see where teams are at. Just kidding, we really have no idea. Considering the tanking Panthers crushed a Tom Brady led Bucs team. The NFL is weird and picking ATS is tough.

The Jags are a bad and losing team on paper. Big difference between them and John’s fantasy team is I don’t think they are actually that bad. They don’t have to start a running back with lisfranc problems for starters. The Jags lost some tough games, and played opponents tough. The Broncos are the third worst team in the NFL. They are bad bad, so why does Vegas think the Jags are only -2.5. I am not so sure, but I can tell you they are. They play in London every year and are used to playing there. As a part time pilot, I know the time it takes to get from Denver to London, that is a nasty flight. Jags have a huge advantage this week, and are a better team. I like them at -2.5 against the stinky Broncos.

You know what they say about rivalries, “throw out the records”. I cannot believe I am making this pick as a BIG BIRDS fan. Second biggest in our group actually, granted we only have three birds’ fans in our group (including me) but number 2 isn’t bad. Anyway, 11 points is a ton in the NFL. That is what the Lers are against the Birds. Do I think the birds should kick the snot out of Lburgh? I do, but I know better when it comes to the NFL. My job is to take emotion out of this, and win you money. I am not like Shroomies and his fantasy picks. No emotion here, just shekels. The Lers stayed with the Dolphins, and I think they will be within 11 points against the Birds. Give me the Lers +11.

My last pick might be a shocker to you. I personally watched from my seats (although I could barely see) this team last week. That team being the flushies. The flushies are better than people think and the Bengals are worse than people think. On the road on Monday night football, the Bengals are -3.5. I don’t like that line for the Bengals at all. I LOVE this line for the flushies. Myles Garrett was eating last week, and he will again. If the Browns don’t coach this up and make James Franklin like decisions, they should win. This is a game no one thinks they will win, so of course they will. Give me the flushies at home +3.5, and even dabble on their moneyline.

Regular season record: 11-10

-CJ Wolfson