Biggest Phony of the Week

Alex StrohL

I copied this formatting over from a Newsletter from last year. StrohL was biggest phony that week as well (big surprise). I had to delete a lot of capitaL L’s from the end of your name, each signifying a big L you took. Here we are with your first L of the season, week 1, 82 points for. Not off to a hot start bud.

Honorable Mention

@bums

Other than StrohL as biggest phony of the week, it was hard to choose the next biggest phony. Vice Phony… Prince Phony if you will….
Bose would be an obvious answer. He drafted Cam “L 0 burger” Akers and Bum Dak. But he almost came back to win and scored 110 without 2 main players.
Then we have CJ and John, whose questionable drafts are already starting to show week 1 with sub-100 scoring.
Last but not least, Jack “Bozo” Kurtz. You talked a lot of shit this week bud, did you look at the scoreboard?? An L is an L, especially when you lose to a guy who had 2 players MIA. I wouldn’t get too comfortable just yet.

Players to Watch

imma come clean

As many of you are aware of, I am no longer allowed to comment on the Nits as I did not attend school there by demand of Dat Dude Dasta. As such, there will be no more #NitsWatch. Please give yourself a few moments for this news to sink in.

But that is ok!

Fortunately I did attend West Chester University, and they do have four fellow alumni along the offensive line for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. How did they do you ask? Well, Leonard Fournette was able to rush for 127 yards, good enough for 14.7 fantasy points. The only member of the Bucs offensive line that did not attend WCU, Donovan Smith, ended up leaving the game early with an elbow injury. As I did not attend the same school as him, I can say nothing else on the matter. Still, it makes you think.

Also, if I were allowed to comment on other schools, I’d also comment on how Chris Godwin also left the same game with a hammy issue of all things. Hmpf. But alas, the champ wants what the champ gets.

Speaking of Champ’s, Lenny and the Dub C OL helped power the Oracle to a win over Mr. Attack, and he now moves on to the Sultan of Sour Grapes himself for game deuce.

Time will tell how this factory of football freshness will fair this week, and surely we will be here to comment on it no matter the toxic outcome. #RamThis 

-Brandon “Shrooms” Thornton

Scoreboard

ALex StooL’s Week 2 Very Objective Power Rankings

1.       Bookie Z – (previous ranking: 2) – Zack’s team looks like it could be a juggernaut. Ekeler, Etienne, and Pitts had bad days and he still was able to squeak out the win.  James Robinson and Michael Thomas could be league winners if they continue to play like they did last weekend.

2.       King Phony – (previous ranking: 3) – Dan’s team is #Good and put up a bunch of points in Week 1. RBs are stacked with Antonio Gibson now no longer hindered by a pain-in-the-ass handcuff (pun intended), and CMC and Javonte could put up even more points in coming weeks. WRs leave a bit to be desired until Keenan Allen comes back. Trading one crown for another?

3.       StooL – (previous ranking: 1) – There’s an old saying in soccer – “Form is temporary, class is permanent.” Yours truly had an outlier pre-season week 4, but I ain’t worried…yet. RBs are even more stacked with Jeff Wilson, so if you need one, you know where to find me.

4.       Boris “The Champ” Durke – (previous ranking: 4) – I’m bad at math but I think Ali the Engineer has developed an Algorithm. He puts in one running back and a bunch of elite WR’s, and out pops a League Trophy. Some uncertainty at RB 2 with the Elijah Mitchell injury – otherwise history may repeat itself.

5.       Shrooms – (previous ranking: 6) – Shrooms’ team is very top heavy. Looking at his starting roster is like watching seasons of Game of Thrones; the first 5 are like “wow” but by the time you get to 8 – very disappointing. Probably due to some bad #Homer draft picks. The scary part is that he can probably put up 125 per week with the 5 he has, but will need to scour benches and the waiver wire to fill out the squad.

6.       Mr. Jody Fortson – (previous ranking: 7) – Tom’s team took a hit this week with the Dak injury.  CeeDee looks more like a WR2 than the top 5 guy we thought was a possibility. In addition, Brady and Burrow didn’t look great last week, but again it was pre-season Week 4. Tom’s bench is fairly unusable, so he could be in for some rough bye weeks.

7.       Bozo – (previous ranking: 10) – Jack’s squad jumps up the ranks this week after a downright filthy display from the greatest RB these eyes have ever seen, Saquon Barkley. Unfortunately for Jack, his entire team will be injured by Week 6, his bench is pretty thin, and he just spent $25 on Deebo’s little brother, Curtis Samuel (Deebo 0.5™). I hope Curtis can line up at RB for you in Week 7!

8.       Cock Job – (previous ranking: 8) – CJ’s team is solid.  His RBs could be stacked if CEH continues the season the way he started it and JK Dobbins is supposed to be back soon. Unfortunately, the best fantasy QB on his roster is Tua, and he has a gigantic question mark at WR without Chris GODwin (who could have guessed).

9.       Commish – (previous ranking: 9) – Now to John’s Lsquad. If I told you a team’s best RB was Darrell Henderson and best WR was Christian Kirk, what would you think?  That’s right – bottom of the barrel. With Zeke having a bad OL and DK not getting deeper than 5 yards downfield, Johnny is still in prime position for the phony bracket. He will need Cam L. Akers to stay on the sideline to have a chance to climb out.

10.   L Akers– (previous ranking: 5) – Bellott is the caboose for a few reasons.  The reasons are Cam L. Akers and Laine Dakota Prescott.  Bellott will rely on Kareem Hunt to stay afloat. Yikes… 

Bozo Picks of the Week

NFL BOZO Spread Picks Of The Week 

I started off last week 3-0 much to the dismay of second place 2021 fantasy player Boris Durke. He could have told me multiple times why I suck at picking spreads, but he didn’t show. Oh well!

In any event, I am going to keep it simple this year with my picks. The Bozo picks of the week named after Jack’s wonderful boyfriend. Yes YOU Jack not ME!?

As always gamble your shekels responsibility and if you don’t well there is a probably a good Jewish lawyer near you. Everyone but Shroomies is allowed to call!

The picks:

Panthers +2 against the Giants is juicy. Giants won a game which means they won’t do it again. The panthers are the better team and since Baker is somewhat healthy I like this spread a lot.

Bengals -7.5 against the Cowboys. Joe burrow is rusty. If he were black, Strohl and the rest of the media would be all over him, instead, we get the usual crickets. Hmm. In any event no Dak, and the Bengals mad. Give me the Bengals -7.5. They win big.

NE -1.5 I watched the NE game (some of it at least). We know Bose didn’t so I can assure you that doLphins game was a lot closer than it looked. NE prime is over and their team doesn’t really have many good players. Saying that Pitt lost it’s best player on defense and their “star” running back is limping around with lisfranc disease. I am not actually kidding. Idc what the media says his touches will be limited. He was awful last week when he did get touches anyway. Give me NE -1.5, there is a reason they are a road favorite.

Regular season record: 3-0

-CJ Wolfson

Bedtime Stories with SLeepy Jack

Good morning Phony-DeLphia! Or afternoon… or maybe it’s evening? Shit I don’t know I just woke up. I hope I didn’t sleep through the games or I’ll have to ask BeLLz for his favorite game highlights channel. You know, since he doesn’t watch.

I’ve once again been given the opportunity to contribute to #ThisLeague’s newsletter, & after napping with Bozo for half of draft weekend, I am just well rested enough to accept. Now brush your teeth, get tucked into bed, & let me help put you Lbums to sleep with my best bedtime stories about your lineups (StooL) & BETS for this coming weekend.

Players NOT to sleep on:

Saquon Barkley, RB

Yes, Saquon tops my list of players to NOT sleep on this week, & you’re just going to have to get used to the idea that SAQUON IS BACK! He’s two years removed from his torn ACL, & he looked a lot like the pre-ACL Saquon that we all grew to know & love. He is currently the leagues top RB & I don’t see that changing against the 30^th ranked defense in the Carolina Panthers. I mean, these guys just lost to the Browns… need I say more? Bet the house on Saquon this week.

DaLvin Cook, RB

Although I’m usually very biased in my judgment of Cook, there’s no denying that he has a picture perfect matchup this week against the SheagLes in the city of L’s. Monday night game in PhiLLY against the worst rush defense in the league… all lights are on Cook to have an explosive game. PhiLLy just gave up 35 points to a pathetic Detriot Lions team, which included 144 rush yards & a TD from D’Andre Swift. Now that they face a real opponent, expect DaLvin to Cook the Lbirds for 100+ rush yards & 2 TDs.

Players to put to sleep:

Derrick Henry, RB

Henry has become somewhat of a folk tale with what he was able to accomplish last year before breaking a bone in his foot. The numbers he was putting up were unbelievable… & when I looked at StooL’s screen before the draft, I saw just how great those numbers were. Unfortunately for StooL, those days are in the past. The current Tennessee offense just isn’t strong enough to stay in the game with anybody, especially not the Bills. Say night night to King Henry for the 2^nd straight week of minimal production & single digit scoring.

CeeDee Lamb, WR

No Dak, no problem. NOT! Dak going down couldn’t be greater for America (bc fuuuuck the Lboys), but it couldn’t be worse for the clear cut WR1 Lamb. Coming off of a breakout season & Amari BUM going to cLeveLand, expectations were set very high for Lamb. But realistically without Dak, there’s absolutely no benefit of having CeeDee in your lineups or your bets… unless you want to lose. Do yourself a favor & rock CeeDee to sleep on your bench this week.

-Jackson “L Boy” Kurtz

GAME(S) OF THE WEEK

Lots of interesting games already in week 2. This season seems to magical in that everyone is already worried about week 1 results. No over-reacting here!

Bose has a big match up against John. Bose obviously looking for Akers of redemption, but unfortunately John has the entire KC and LAC offenses. Both Bose and John will be anxiously watching DK MetcaLf this week.

StrohL is some how projected to beat Tom. I don’t think any of us believe that. Let’s see if StrohL can break triple digits this week.

Good luck boys

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